I would say that the percentage of women who write to me and actually want a divorce are quite low.
  Almost every one who writes is looking for a way to prevent a divorce.
  These women still love their husbands and are trying to come up with some way around this.
  Yesterday, I had a woman who wrote and said "I don't want to divorce my husband, but he does was to divorce me.
  What can I do to change his mind? How can I make this work when I'm the only one who wants it to?"   I know that this can seem like an impossible task and I"ll admit that it is challenging, but it's never hopeless.
Often the challenge lies in wives not understanding what it often takes to reverse where this is going.
They think that they can keep hounding or begging or bombarding him in the hopes that he'll "give in" just to stop all the noise.
  In fact, the opposite often happens.
  These actions only accelerate his desire to get away.
In truth, you do have to change the way that he's thinking about you and the marriage right now - but you have to focus on positive, non threatening actions, not negative ones.
   Don't Insinuate That He's Wrong Or That He Doesn't Have The Right To Want More:  Often, it's just a knee jerk reaction to begin to question the husband in an almost accusatory way: "what do you mean you're not happy?;" "how can you possibly say that you don't love me anymore?;" or "no marriage is perfect.
  what more do you want?" It's understandable to want thorough answers to these questions, but the tone and the underlying message (and what your husband is likely hearing is this:  "you don't deserve to be happy," "your feelings are wrong,"  or "I'm trying to keep you from getting what you want and deserve.
" No one likes to be told that they are not capable of accurately sizing up a situation or that they don't deserve to live their best life and to be blissfully happy in their relationships.
  Even if you're absolutely sure that your husband isn't seeing things objectively or accurately, you shouldn't let him in on these thoughts.
If he thinks that what you're saying is discounting his feelings or is only meant to manipulate him or change his mind, he's going to take great pains to tune you out or to discount what you're saying in his own mind.
  This only makes your tasks harder.
Approaching Him From A Place Of Empathy And Partnership:  You can not afford to be on opposite sides on the fence from your husband.
  It's much better for you if he sees you as an ally.
  So, you need to tell him that you want to listen to what he has to say.
  Listen without interrupting.
  Repeat back to him what he's said.
  Make full eye contact.
  Make sure that it's clear that you love him and want him to be happy.
  Make sure that he understands that you actually want to help him get what he wants.
Now, you can't expect for this to work immediately because he may not believe you.
  He may see this as just another ploy.
  So, you're going to have to show him with actions and not words.
  You're going to have to watch yourself so that you don't display clingy, argumentative, or combative behavior.
  Always remember that you want to be the caring wife who wants her husband to be happy but who respects herself enough to know that she deserves the same.
  Stress that you don't have a crystal ball and you don't know the future but that you are both able to control how you interact with one another right now.
  You can vow to interact and receive one another in a positive way, without worrying about what happens next.
  After all, it will be hard for him to truly be happy knowing that there is unfinished business between you or knowing that you both can't hold your head high when you remember how you handled this.
Keeping Things Light Hearted:  Your primary goal right now should be to transform the negativity that is surrounding his perceptions of you and the marriage.
  So, you need to set it up so that he starts to see and the marriage positively.
  One way to start to move toward this goal is to try to keep things light hearted and fun.
  You want to show him that the two of you can have fun together and interact in a positive way.
I know that when you begin to see a smile on his face in relation to you, it will be easy and tempting to begin to ask where this is going or to seek reassurances, but this would be a huge mistake.
  You can not let him think that this much improved version of yourself isn't genuine or is only something temporary.
  Just move very slowly and realize that any experience where you both leave with smile is a small victory that will likely set up another.
  Try not to ask for clarification or lay on the guilt or outline what this uncertainty is doing to you.
Remember that you've presented yourself as someone who wants both of you to be happy.
So make sure you're also doing what makes you happy.
  Often, a man will pause at this and it will elicit an unexpected reaction.
The husband will often be curious as to just what brought this on, but he can't be angry because you aren't transferring negative emotions, so he'll often start to initiate more contact so he can try to figure this out.
  When he does, always remember your goal - to continue on with the shared positive experiences so that one day your husband realizes that a divorce is a far less desirable option than what he's experiencing now.