Picture the perfect dress, the perfect ring, the perfect little chapel.
A perfect combination for marital bliss, right? Well, this is the dream of most couples and most people.
Unfortunately the reality behind all the perfection is that once the dress is in the closet, the ring becomes an everyday fixture on your left hand, and the chapel doors are closed, you have to learn to relate to your not so perfect spouse, and recognize that you yourself are not so perfect as well.
Studies show that over 50% of marriages in America end up in divorce, and 50% of current marriages are projected to end up in divorce if this trend continues.
People that marry for the second and third time after divorces have even higher rates of going down the same path.
So how do you recover from divorce, after your picture perfect dream turns into a nightmare? Here are three ways to help you cope with disappointment of a failed marriage.
Coping skill # 1 Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
This may include joining a support/divorce recovery group at your church or simply spending time with friends that are truly supportive of you.
One of the most difficult emotions to deal with after a broken relationship is loneliness.
People tend to want to be around those that will join in on bashing their ex but I would advise you to be careful with constantly focusing on your ex husband or wife.
Spend time with people that bring out the best in you and encourage you to become better and not bitter.
You should identify people who recognize your gifts and highlight them with encouraging words.
True friends keep it real with you.
They are honest about areas where you can improve before moving on to another relationship, but they also acknowledge your positive attributes.
These friends will not try to set you up on date to get you through, but will encourage you to take self inventory and recognize red flags before you get back into the dating scene.
Coping skill #2 Focus on self care/self improvement.
For many people this is a no brainer because most people start losing weight and improving their physical appearance to spite their ex, but I am talking about self improvement to help you become better all around.
During difficult times people often rely on their spiritual beliefs or faith.
I encourage divorcees to tap into prayer and establish daily devotional time.
I also encourage divorcees to start and exercise program.
Exercise helps combat depression and increases self esteem once you start to see results.
Now as you are making these self improvements, keep in mind that you are doing this for YOU.
This is not for the purpose of making your ex regret messing up the best thing they could ever have in life (although looking good does have that effect), but this is for the sole purpose of becoming a better you and fighting against the emotional turmoil that follows a broken marriage.
Coping skill # 3 The third coping skill is to allow yourself time to grieve.
This is not the time to rush into another relationship, only to drag your heavy baggage into the next person's life.
Even if you absolutely wanted your marriage to end, understand that there will still be a grieving process.
You may feel that getting this person out of your life was the best decision you ever made, but you may find that you struggle with emotional hardship due to feelings of failure or diminished dreams.
It's okay to allow yourself to experience these feelings.
I suggest processing these emotions with a counselor.
If you have children you should talk with them about their feelings as well and consider counseling for the children individually and as a family.
The emotions that follow divorce can be extremely intense.
Many people have even rated divorce as being worse than losing a spouse due to death.
The impact can have a lasting effect.
If you are not proactive in overcoming the emotional turmoil that follows, it can leave you bitter and destroy future relationships.
Identify a supportive group of friends or family, take steps to make self improvement, and allow time to grieve.
These are steps that will help you cope with the stress that can follow a disconnected relationship.