It is quite common to hear people in the helping and teaching profession express disappointment or frustration when they try to counsel, coach or teach someone without much success.
One very important lesson that I have learnt over the years is that we cannot teach or change someone if they refuse to learn or change.
The complicated thing about human is that we are all different, we have different minds and thus different thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and sense of reality.
There is no way you can forcefully change someone's mind and behaviour if they themselves do not see or acknowledge that there is a problem/ issue and that change is necessary.
It applies to organizations too.
Prisoners are another good example.
Those offenders and drug addicts who will successfully change for the better and remain crime or drug free are those who genuinely wanted to change, those who found a compelling motivation or reason to change.
Prison officers, counselors and volunteers can only help to try to plant the seed of change in them, it is essentially still up to them to decide, and to see it through.
Others can only help, facilitate and support them if they choose to change, are motivated and are determined to change.
No one can force rehabilitation onto them, it is not going to work.
So arguably we are wasting time on people who do not see or acknowledge that they have a problem or issue that requires them to change or learn.
What we can only do is to offer them the opportunity and try to plant some seeds by sharing with them reasons and ways their life or things could be different, and hopefully they are fertile ground for the seeds to grow when they are ready and willing.
If they are not ready nor willing, it is like seeds being planted on infertile ground, no matter how much more resources we pump in to water and nurture the seeds, it is not going to grow.
Though we are not able to change someone or teach someone anything if they are not willing or ready, we can still do our part to scatter the seeds.
We should also not feel personally responsible or too emotionally involved in "failures" if we have done our part to scatter the seeds and facilitate change for those who are ready.
Change is seldom instantaneous and is usually a process, and "failures" is part of that process.
Another important point and key to facilitate change and learning is that we have to be able to first sufficiently engage people's mind for them to acknowledge and decide that change is good or necessary.
If their mind and head is unconvinced, their heart will be weak and the body unwilling, and it is likely to reap results.
This is also one important key to happiness in life - not to try to forcefully change someone or something that is beyond our control.
It is wisdom to know what is within our control, and it is acceptance to know what is not; and then do what we could do within our means.