Don’t be afraid to ask your current friends if they know any other people you might be compatible with. Friends always want to help us out, so if you confess that you're feeling like you need more pals, they may be willing to share a few people from their social group.

I personally don't agree with the whole “stealing friends” approach, which means that you start contacting your friend's friends behind their back.


I think you'll get the same (and perhaps even better) result if you simply ask to your pals to introduce you to a few more people.

 

How to Approach a Friend When You’re Looking to Meet More People

 

You never want to offend your current friends, so when you ask for a setup, do so with some social grace. Keep your friend’s feelings in mind, and never demand that a friend set you up or imply that they aren’t good enough for you to hang out with. Always give a reason why you’d like your friend to set you up, and make sure it doesn’t sound like you want them to do it just because they have more friends than you. They probably worked at growing their friendships and wouldn’t feel comfortable just introducing you to someone without a good reason.

One way to do this is to be honest with a friend. Say, “I like hanging out with you but I could use a few more friends, too. Do you know of anyone that might want to hang out with me?”

Sometimes it’s easier to ask a friend if they know of anyone who might want to do a certain activity with you.

So you could say, “I’m really interested in rock climbing, do you have any friends that might want to show me how to do it?” Or, “I’m the only single friend left since you got married. I know you’re busy with family stuff now, but I was wondering if you knew of any other singles you could introduce me to, not for romance but just for friendship.”

 

If Your Friend Isn’t Eager to Set You Up

 

Some friends don’t feel comfortable introducing their friends to each other. There might be a variety of reasons for this, like:

• They have had problems with this in the past.
• They don’t think you will like or get along with their other friends.
• They like having you all to themselves and don’t want their other friends to steal you away.
• They’re more introverted and feel more comfortable when their friendships are separate.

If your friend isn’t open to having you meet their other friends, don’t push it. It isn’t worth causing issues with one friend just because you want to meet a few more. Allow your friend their own reasons why they don’t want to set you up and leave it at that. More than likely, it has nothing to do with you and it’s not something you need to be worried about.

 

What to Do When a Friend Sets You Up and It Doesn’t Work Out

 

Just because a good friend sets you up with someone they like doesn’t mean that the two you will hit it off. Every set of friends is different. Every nuance to a personality or interest can change a friendship. So your friend might really enjoy spending time with someone else and yet when you’re with them you are counting the minutes until you can leave.

Setting up a friend is no small thing, so when it doesn’t work out, don’t blame your friend or get angry. Don’t say things like, “I thought you said he was fun!” or “She did nothing but talk the entire time. I couldn’t stand it.”

Instead, let your friend down easy by saying, “I really appreciate you setting me up. That means so much to me. In the end I guess we didn’t hit it off, though.”

Reassure your friend that it won’t be awkward if you see this other person again. If your friend presses you as to why you didn’t like their pal, be gently honest. Tell them the real reason but do it in a way that respects your friend and doesn’t belittle the other person.

 

If the Friend Set Up Does Work…

 

Don’t ignore your friend! One reason friends hesitate about introducing friends to each other is because they are afraid that they’ll get shut out.

Be mindful of including your friend, never gossiping about them, and always remembering that they were the one that helped you meet a new friend. Over time, you might even become better friends with their friend than you are with them, so be grateful for the favor your friend did for you.