As a psychotherapist and a specialist in development for many years, I have drawn from research on how self-esteem grows in children to provide you with principles that serve as building blocks for self-esteem in adulthood.
The first three building blocks of self esteem are: fostering and growing your connection to self, family, community, world and the spiritual realm (God, Universe, Art, Nature); discovering and honoring your own uniqueness; and developing your personal power.
In this last article in the series, we will take a look at the fourth building block of self-esteem - knowing that you have a purpose and are working towards worthy goals that express your values and using role models, mentors and coaches to move you towards these goals.
A sense of purpose is what motivates you.
It is, in essence, what makes you glad to get up in the morning and reluctant to stop doing what you love to go to bed at night.
Your self-esteem grows when you come to acknowledge and appreciate your purpose and the unique contribution you are making..
..
no matter what it is.
If you feel you have not yet found your true purpose, don't despair.
It's there...
you're just not aware of it yet.
One of the best clues to discovering your purpose is to look at who you have chosen as role models, whom you admire.
You chose them because their purpose resonates in you.
You may not express it as they do but it will be in line with your core values.
When you were young, you probably had someone whom you looked up to--a family member, a historical figure or a TV/movie hero/heroine -someone whose traits you admired and tried to emulate.
Today as an adult, it's equally important that you look up to women and men who personify that which you would most like to be.
If these women and men are national or international figures and not personally known to you, it's a good idea to read up on them and learn their strategies for success or their path to a fulfilling life.
Pick and choose what to incorporate into your own life and as with everything else, put your own unique spin on it.
You can also regard these mentors as a "board of directors" or "board of advisors" - when a decision needs to be made, mentally run it past your "board" members and think how they would advise you.
Get into or form your own Master Mind Group.
Make sure to read Napoleon Hill's description of the Master Mind in his classic book "Think and Grow Rich".
There is a synergy that happens in these groups as a result of everyone working towards the good of all.
Please note that though Hill spoke of these groups in terms of business, the Master Mind Principle can also be applied to personal goals.
There can be Master Minds for parenting, couples relationships or for women in transition, to name but a few.
In order to optimize building your self-esteem and getting to where you want to go next, I highly recommend getting a one-on-one mentor or coach.
It will require a financial investment on your part, but stretching yourself to pay for mentoring or coaching is the first step towards exponential growth.
Invest in yourself.
You will only be, do and have more if you learn from those who are farther down the road of self-esteem, success and fulfillment than you are.
In closing this series of articles, I'd like to summarize the key points about building self-esteem:
- Self-esteem is a feeling...
one of self-satisfaction and self-acceptance - It can be learned so don't feel you are hopeless because you didn't acquire it in childhood
- Deepen your connection to yourself spend time nurturing yourself--find a network of supportive, like-minded individuals with whom to grow
- Deepen your connection to the Divine, Nature, Beauty, Art and Truth
- Recognize that you are unique and therefore you truly have a mandate to bring the best you forward
- As humans we have been gifted with language, use it well to support and sustain yourself, not as a weapon against yourself
- Never put yourself or other women (and men) down and rid your vocabulary of disempowering words like I can't, I should have, I'll never...
- Set goals for yourself, no matter how small they may be at the outset
- Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings
- Always learn from your mistakes and difficult circumstances and avoid blaming yourself and others
- Strive to understand, acknowledge and appreciate your sense of purpose
- Find a network of supportive, like-minded individuals with whom to grow
- Find a mentor to guide you along your personal path to self-esteem, success and fulfillment