Handling Conflict with Your Boy - a great time to build his self esteem! Some parents may worry that setting strict rules may distance them from their sons.
But this simply isn't the case.
Though they may gripe and complain and get upset when you become the enforcer, they realize deep down that this shows you care and that they are safe with you.
Of course this applies to girls as well but for boys it is even more important.
They get many social messages about having to be strong and tough and be able to handle themselves in all kinds of situations.
It can be a great relief for them to a) have the modelling from a male figure like a father or step father on how to use power firmly, lovingly and respectfully.
And b) to not have to be tough and strong just be able to give in and be kept safe because they are still young.
It's never easy developing and introducing rules.
Parents may tend to avoid setting rules because they fear confrontation and unpleasantness.
But the uncomfortable stuff isn't necessarily a reflection on your relationship with your child, it's just the nature of the roles and breaking rules and pushing limits is a part of growing up, especially for energetic, lively boys who have endless curiousity and just want to try things out.
Boys learn much better through action and experience.
Girls find it easier to learn through hearing of someone else experience through a story or reading.
Many of the challenging situations with boys are more to do with a kind of thoughtless activity they do rather than trying to wind you up and give you a bit of attitude.
When the boys break rules again and again, it is easy to overreact with harsh, disproportionate and unenforceable threats, which undermines the effectiveness of setting rules and certainly doesn't improve their self esteem.
Instead, when you first tell your son about a new rule, discuss the consequences of breaking that rule - ask him what he thinks is a fair consequence.
Discuss it together unless he is just too young.
Consequences do follow actions so your son needs to know what the cost of breaking the rules will be.
The things you set up together to remind him of doing something differently the next time should be reasonable and doable.
This will also be a really important part of building sound self esteem.
If you do follow the route of punishment it should still be discussed and should only involve penalties you talked over in advance.
Also, never issue empty threats.
It's understandable that you'll be angry when house rules are broken, and sharing your feelings of anger, disappointment, or sadness can have a powerfully motivating effect on your son.
Since we're all more inclined to say things we don't mean when we're upset, it's sometimes best to give ourselves a time-out period to cool off before we say something we don't mean.
The modelling that this self management will give your son is invaluable!