"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb.
It isn't something you get.
It's something you do.
It's the way you love your partner every day.
" -Barbara De Angelis There's a lot of husband bashing going on.
When it comes to childcare and chores around the house, husbands are often referred to as "lazy, incapable" and are accused of "just not getting it.
" One of my friends even said "Husbands! Are they really this dumb or do they just pretend?" The countless stories seem so similar in nature that I often wonder if we're all married to the same man! Let's explore this "infuriating" behaviour.
Believe it or not, our husbands aren't always to blame.
Pull out your compact and take a good, long look.
It's time to face the truth and realize that we are often responsible for the type of husband we have.
Read on, because these 6 marriage tips might just be the help you've been searching for.
When our husbands are on "child duty", we tend to swoop in and save the day at the first sign of distress.
And with good reason.
We can do it faster, better and smarter, right? Maybe so, but in the process, it enables our husbands.
We let them off the hook and then resent them later.
In their eyes, they can't ever seem to get it right so why should they bother trying? Marriage Tip #1- Give up some of the control.
Your husband may have come from a family where his Dad didn't have anything to do with childcare, so he didn't have a very good role model.
At least he's making an effort.
If it means he feeds your child/ren cheerios for dinner, or takes the kids out while they're still dressed in their pj's, so be it.
Give him room to parent his way.
It makes him feel important and frees up time for you.
Choose your battles and stop nit picking.
Men aren't known for their mind reading skills.
Half the time you tell them what you want and they still don't get it right.
A lot of moms don't voice their concerns because they don't want to add more pressure or burden on their husbands.
If you try and protect his feelings, you're sacrificing your own.
And in the end, you'll be bitter and angry and he'll be no better off.
Marriage Tip #2- Communicate often.
Be very clear about your needs, wants and desires.
Talk about what's working and what needs to change.
Give him the same chance to talk about his feelings and what he needs.
Listen to each other and make a point to keep the lines of communication open.
Set aside time every week to check in and make sure that all is good in your world.
There are a lot of moms who feel resentful because they're struggling to do it all and still don't feel like their husbands consider it hard work.
Some moms think their spouses have it easier because they get to leave the house and get a break from the chaos.
The truth is, both jobs are challenging.
Moms need to recognize that Dads have a lot of pressure too.
They work hard and are stressed out just trying to provide a certain lifestyle for the family.
Most Dads today are also more hands on and involved with their kids.
Plus they still want to be good husbands.
Marriage Tip #3- Support each other.
Stop competing for who has the harder job.
Realize that you're both contributing in your own ways and are both vital to providing a healthy home environment.
Ask about his day and listen without judgment or anger.
If you feel like you're not getting the support you need from him, let him know and explain what he needs to start doing.
Motherhood is a thankless job.
Babies thank you in the form of a burp and if we don't constantly remind our toddlers to say please and thank you, we'd never hear it.
Our hard work and dedication often goes unnoticed by our husbands too.
But when was the last time you thanked or acknowledged your spouse for all that he does? He also needs to feel validated and important.
Marriage Tip #4- Give thanks.
Make a point of acknowledging all the effort that your husband is making.
The operative word is effort.
Remember his way may not be your way, but recognize that he's trying.
Praise him effectively like you would a child.
So instead of just saying "thanks", say "Thanks for giving Jack a bath tonight.
It gave me the few minutes I needed.
" Once he feels like he's being acknowledged, he'll want to do it more and start to recognize your efforts too.
And if he doesn't, let him know that's what you need to hear every now and then.
You're tired, spread so thin you're almost transparent, and all you want to do is get into your flannel pj's and go to bed.
ALONE! Understandable.
But when this becomes your routine day after day, those days turn into weeks, then months and sometimes years.
Marriage Tip #5- Make your relationship a priority.
Schedule a date night at least once a month.
Open a bottle of wine after the kids are asleep and talk about your days.
Making time for each other is not only important for you and your spouse, it's vital for your child/ren.
It gives them a healthy blueprint of what a solid relationship looks like.
Plus it's a lot easier to get through all the challenges of parenthood when your marriage isn't one of them.
We may think our spouse has really high expectations of us, but often, it's just a projection of what we expect of ourselves.
Having unclear or unrealistic expectations adds unnecessary pressure.
We take on all sorts of roles because we feel that's what makes us a "good mom" or a "good wife.
" But in who's eyes? Marriage Tip #6- Make your expectations clear.
Talk to each other about what you expect.
Divide the chores and childcare duties together so you're each on the same page.
If you're going out or away for the weekend, write out everything you want him to do.
Don't assume he knows just because you think he should.
This will ease the tension and anxiety on both your parts.
Action Challenge.
Take an honest look at your relationship.
What areas need improvement? What do you have to do to make positive changes? Try to see things from his point of view and help him understand yours.