Do you blame others and see yourself as the victim?

This is usually known as complaining. Is your misfortune always everybody else's fault?
That kind of behavior is a symptom of low self esteem, because in blaming others you do not take responsibility. When one does not assume responsibility they are playing the victim to others.

You can change this low self esteem behavior. Becoming aware of one's behavior, it is possible to change the behavior. It is a choice to not play the victim or to not blame others. Whenever the behavior comes up of blaming people or circumstances, a simple trigger will stop the behavior. Making a statement out loud or to yourself in your head like this: "It is time to be accountable for myself and take responsibility for what happens to me.", repeat it, believe it and be it!
It is time to stop blaming others for your unhappiness and take control of your happiness. Do not give others the power to make you happy or sad.

Do you live in denial and can't see it?
Living in denial, is when one minimizes problems and forgets pertinent details. This is a means to not feel the pain. Despite the evidence to the contrary, an individual living in denial will insist that anything bad or wrong was not true. An example, a young woman's father died, she calls a close friend and says nothing about the death of her father.....and talks only of shopping and trivial issues. She completely ignores the reality of the situation by avoiding discussing it. This is a low self esteem and can prevent the healing process and moving forward.

To change this you have to take some risks with your feelings. It is better to feel the pain once than it is to keep feeling it all the time without even knowing what's happening.
Avoiding it is not going to make it better or make it go away. It is kind of like avoiding going to the dentist to avoid the pain. Avoiding it is just denying it.

Do you find it impossible to express your feelings?
Being unable to express our feelings is being unable to feel them; or, more precisely, we are suppressing them and trying to "go numb" to them.

For example, A man who felt and did not know how to express it. Whenever somebody asked him: Are you angry? He would smile and I say: No, I am not angry. In truth this man was confused about his feelings, and felt afraid to express them. He did not understand that anger could be a healthy feeling. He always thought it was bad or he was weak, so he repressed it. This is a low self esteem behavior that manifest in very destructive ways.

Making a decision to be brave and start expressing feelings is the only way out of this one. For example, a woman's husband is always late, and she is punctual. So, every time they go out, she is ready. He is always doing things at the last minute and this makes his wife really angry. For years she would just smile and say nothing. She always felt it ruin the day if she said anything. Instead of doing this one day she told him: I am really uncomfortable when we have to go out and you are never ready and we are late.
Just being able to express her feeling made her feel better and had helped her a lot in not repressing her anger anymore.

Do you depend on other's opinion of you to feel accepted?
When we depend on others to acceptance; we get stuck in this mind set, "If you like me, I am ok. If you accept me, I will accept myself," and are always waiting for a sign of approval so that we can feel good about our self.

To change this one must become aware that people have different points of view, that sometimes they project in us their frustrations. Realize if somebody really loves someone, they will take them as they are. It is a relief, just being conscious that we cannot please everyone and giving myself permission to be myself. It will help a person accept themselves and not worry about others' opinions.

This is like when you get your hair done, and then meet people and you are waiting for somebody to praise you. If you meet a friend, let's say, and she says, what have you done with your hair! I liked it the way it was before! You start to feel uncomfortable, and doubt your own stylistic tastes. If you accept yourself and you are not waiting for other people's acceptance, you will be comfortable no matter what others say.

Do you lack personal boundaries?
There is a line between one's problems and other people's problems. If you let people be invasive, you will likely become burdened and overwhelmed. This behavior is linked with not knowing how to say no. It is easy to get mixed up, and take problem of others at the same I internalized as your own. For example: When meeting a new person, he asked too many personal questions. Even though it makes you feel uncomfortable you answered them. That is a clear indicator of low self esteem.

We have to decide to set boundaries with other people. It is important that we speak up when you are uncomfortable and tell them that you are not comfortable answering personal questions. Setting boundaries is really important. We can still help other people, be nice to them but there is a place inside of us that we have to respect and do not have fear of rejection.

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