In so many circles, both Christian and non-Christian, Facebook cheating has been a major factor in causing marital conflicts, and in some cases divorce.
What is Facebook cheating? It's when you establish or maintain an emotional and/or physical connection with a man through Facebook.
(This also applies to any other social networking site.
) While the ups and downs of marriage can leave us starving for attention, as Christian women, we must do our part to avoid using Facebook or any other social networking site to fulfill this void in our lives even when our husbands are emotionally absent.
While Facebook cheating can be very tempting because it's just a click away, you must consider the consequences of allowing yourself to become emotionally or even physically attached to any man other than your husband.
Below you'll find some helpful suggestions that can prevent you from getting involved in an emotional or physical affair as a result of using Facebook.
1.
Establish a meaningful purpose for being on Facebook.
• Do you have a business or ministry you want to promote? • Do you chat with other women who have things in common with you? • Is this just an emotional outlet that you go to when you're feeling sad, depressed, or lonely in your marriage? For instance, my main purpose for social networking is to market my site to my potential customers to let them know about the resources we have to offer.
Maybe you want to reconnect with some old college buddies or childhood friends.
Or you might want to get some input on a business venture you're trying to start.
There's nothing wrong with reaching out to people for these reasons.
But if loneliness is your reason for being on Facebook, I would suggest using another outlet such as: • Spending time in God's presence.
• Reading a good book.
• Finding a godly female mentor to talk with.
• Connecting with a live networking group in your area(s) of interest.
• Hanging out with girlfriends who will encourage you to do the right things.
2.
Limit your time on Facebook.
If you know you will get lost in "social networking space", then you'll need to set a time limit for staying on the site.
You may even need to place an alarm clock or timer by your computer as a reminder.
The day goes by so fast that before you know it, you've wasted your whole day because of your activity on Facebook.
As a result, this could cause unnecessary friction in your marriage.
3.
Make yourself unavailable to chat while you're on Facebook.
This can be a major distraction when you're on Facebook.
One night I was multi-tasking, (on the phone and checking my Facebook messages when an ex-boyfriend sent a chat message.
It was frustrating because I didn't feel like being bothered and it threw me off because I wasn't prepared to hear from anyone.
I immediately got off of Facebook and went onto something else.
(I responded the next day to the guy's message, but was very brief.
) Why? Because I didn't have time for small talk.
If it wasn't about my business, there wasn't much to say.
I didn't need to begin a long, drawn out conversation to rekindle the past.
It would only take me off focus and put me in a place I would regret later down the road.
4.
Update your photo.
Instead of having a picture of just yourself, upload a picture of you and your husband.
This can often send the message that you love your husband and you're serious about your marriage.
In many cases, men, (both new friends and old), won't even waste their time trying to talk to you.
If you do decide to leave a picture of only yourself, don't post a provocative picture because doing this can send men messages that you're vulnerable and looking for attention.
Trust me -- someone will respond to this poor cry! 5.
Establish a cut-off time for sending messages to men on Facebook.
I set a rule for myself: I do not send messages to men after 9:00 pm.
It just seems to be an appropriate time, and it helps me to set boundaries for myself.
If I receive a message from a man after that time, I will talk with my husband about it or I will wait to respond the next day.
In most cases your Facebook conversations with men can wait.
6.
Unfriend or block any man who makes you "tingle.
" This refers to ex-boyfriends, co-workers, men who attend your church, or any other man you befriend on Facebook.
There was a man who I befriended on Facebook who attended my church.
This man was very handsome.
Whenever I saw this man in person or on Facebook, it would trigger some unhealthy emotions in my heart and mind.
I found myself checking his page often and looking on his wall.
It wasn't good for me or my marriage.
As a result, I made the conscious decision to unfriend this man.
The last thing I needed to do was to send him a provocative message and begin an online affair.
How would that make my husband feel? And what would it do to the emotional intimacy in my marriage? 7.
Refuse to reconnect with old boyfriends if you still have some type of feelings or emotional connections.
So many people erroneously think that once you get married, you will never be attracted to anyone else.
That's a lie! If there were some men who you never closed your heart to before you got married, then chances are you will still be curious about how things could have been if you had stayed with the person.
To assure yourself that you won't open that door again, I recommend you: • Refuse his friend request.
• Block him or at least unfriend him if you have already reconnected with him on Facebook.
Taking these precautions will eliminate the temptation to reconnect with your past.
After all, in most cases if you were meant to be with that person, he would have been your husband! 8.
If you are considering reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend, I recommend you ask your husband if he is okay with this before you actually do it.
If your husband doesn't seem open to this, then I suggest you don't.
Also, check your motives for reconnecting with your ex.
You may be wondering, "Why do I need to ask my husband about reconnecting with an ex when he doesn't ask me about reconnecting with his ex-girlfriend(s)? In this case, we're talking about how you can prevent yourself from falling into an affair.
But if you are concerned about your husband's activity on Facebook, then this is where proper communication must come into play.
You may need to prayerfully decide how you will approach this issue with your husband once you have done your part to avoid Facebook cheating.
9.
Don't go on Facebook when you're angry with your husband because your anger could encourage you to talk a man online and establish an inappropriate relationship.
You could also divulge information about your husband that could give this person ammunition to pursue you at a later time.
Instead, find something that will help you to calm down and balance your emotions.
You could use that same time you were going to get on Facebook to do something more productive such as: • Pray.
• Write your frustrations in a journal.
• Think about why you are so frustrated.
• Read a good book to get your mind off of things for awhile • Write your husband a letter.
(You may want to throw it away, especially if your words are hurtful.
) 10.
Refuse to leave a post that rants and rages about your husband or marriage.
At times we get angry and we become overly emotional; but in our venting it could lead us to say things that we may regret in the end.
If you're anything like me, I have over 1,000 friends.
You never know who could be reading your posts and waiting for the perfect opportunity to connect with you during a vulnerable time in your life.
While Facebook can be an amazing tool for establishing healthy relationships, marketing, networking, and reconnecting with past friends, as Christian women we must take necessary precautions to avoid establishing emotional ties with men other than our husbands through this venue.