There I go again, doing that same annoying thing I tried to stop doing.
It frustrates me beyond reason.
Why can't I change? Why can't I improve? I see other people successfully doing jobs or exercises or writing wonderful books.
I want to do what they do.
With the goals set firmly in my brain, I leap forward believing-- as a good Bible girl should -- I can do it.
Then, whack! I blow it.
Not in a small unnoticeable way.
I fail in front of my friends and family.
Want to know one of my biggest blunders in life? Don't laugh, cause I won't share again if you laugh.
I cannot park a car well.
There, I said it.
I went to driving school in my teen years, have driven various types of cars for more than twenty-five years.
I get tons of practice, but I fail, more than I care to admit.
I pull into some parking space, get out, and look back - hoping to see success- at the recently parked vehicle.
Without fail, it's off in some way, every time.
It's on the line, too close to the neighboring car, or seeping into the spot in front of it.
Something isn't perfect.
When my husband drives with me, he insists I re-park, not my favorite choices.
On my own, I roll my eyes yet again and mentally tell myself, "stupid, stupid, stupid.
" Funny, I would never say the same of someone else.
I forgive others easily and often.
As for myself, it's tougher to forgive me.
I expect so much of me.
Do you struggle with something you don't like about yourself? Some skill you wish you could master? Some dream you want to attain? It's one thing to develop patience with the people around us, it's another to extend patience toward ourselves.
We see someone else succeed and wish badly to develop and maintain the same skill.
But, every skill takes time to develop.
No one started out life with perfection.
Start Somewhere From the baseball player to the board executive and every other role imaginable, everyone began simply.
When a batter misses yet another throw, he has to forgive himself and move on if he wants to become better.
So should we.
Let Envy Leave In the same way, some dreams won't work for us.
Clearly, I lack some kind of spacial skill.
Based on history, parking will probably never be my strength.
I need to forgive myself and have patience with this fault.
In essence, when I believe myself to be stupid, it's an expression of the envy I feel for those who succeed.
I watch people pull their cars into spaces with ease and perfection and wish I could do the same.
This envy will not make me stronger.
It will not benefit me or anyone around me.
It will tear me apart and destroy not build up.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving,considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
James 3:16-17

How can we learn to forgive ourselves and let go of this nasty envy? If we start with submission toward God, we'll find help every time.
King David expressed this attitude in Psalm 25:11:

For the sake of your name, Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

If we believe God forgives us, we too should learn to forgive ourselves.
Patience involves not only waiting on others, but also waiting on ourselves.
When we realize our own limitations and appreciate where we succeed, we build the skill of patience and become better at giving it to others.
For me, if my car sits between the lines and the cars on either side can get in and out, I feel successful, regardless of whether it's crooked within the space.
As you seek to forgive yourself, what will that look like in your life? How can you develop this form of patience?