Question:

I have a friend that I have a lot of fun with, but I noticed when she’s with another friend of ours she’s different. She’s very forgiving of this person, sticks up for them, and makes sure everything’s just so when they get together. She makes sure she buys my friend their favorite soda and has the snacks they like on hand.

For me, she doesn’t do this. We still hang out and have a good time together, but my friend just doesn’t seem to be as good a friend to me as she is to this other person. This irritates me. When I tell my friend about it, she just says we’re both her friends equally. But we aren’t. I can see it.

Should I end the friendship and find someone else who will treat me better?

Answer:

Not every friendship is going to be the same. No two friendships are alike, and while your friend might feel that she’s treating both you and the other person the same, she obviously has a different (perhaps closer) relationship with them than with you.

There’s no reason to end this friendship if you have fun together and she treats you well. You have to stop comparing this friendship to the one she has with the other person.

Also, by mentioning this other friendship you are putting your friend on the spot, effectually trying to make her choose you. If you keep this up, she might just decide that you’re being high maintenance and end the friendship.

You say you hang out and have fun together, so accept that for what it is. If you’re looking for a best friend, continue meeting new people until you find someone that’s looking for the same thing. In the meantime, appreciate this friendship for what it is.

 

Do you have a friendship question?

Feel free to submit it using the friendship advice form.