According to David Richo, the author who wrote The Five Things We Cannot Change...
and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, there are five givens of human existence.
They are: things change and end; pain is a part of life; things don't always go according to plan; no one is loving and loyal all the time; life is not always fair.
David Richo is no stranger to me.
Already, I was familiar with his 3-set CD on the subject of sustaining intimacy and nurturing genuine connection in order to make love last.
He emphasizes that what happens in our adult relationships is directly connected to what happened in our early life.
According to Richo, we are born with five instinctive needs that, if met in "a good enough way", will help us to not only thrive and grow, but give us the ability to receive moderate doses later in life and be satisfied with it.
You won't need to get them fully from other people because they have already been "installed" as fulfilled needs.
Children require 100% of the 5 A's from their caregivers, but not as adults.
Reasonably, we can expect to receive about 25% from any one person.
The rest needs to come from self, family, friends, peers, co-workers, and your spiritual practice.
He adds that if you didn't get your needs met, then you will have some healing work to do, i.
e.
, getting in touch with the sadness, anger and fear over the loss.
Otherwise, we will remain embroiled in patterns of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship.
Richo defines intimacy between two people as the ability to give and receive the 5 A's.
Whether you got them or not, you can still begin to incorporate them into your relationships now.
Here are the five A's: 1.
Acceptance.
We have to be accepted just as we are because that is all there is.
Acceptance allows us to be vulnerable and to feel safe with others.
2.
Affection.
We feel loved and good about ourselves when others show affection.
Physically, it can make us feel sexy, desirable, and lovable.
3.
Allowing.
Giving others the space to be themselves, to feel their emotions, to live their truth, and walk their own path feels supportive, liberating, and fulfilling.
4.
Appreciation.
Feeling appreciated enhances our well being, instills gratitude, and shifts our mood in a more positive way.
We feel cared about, special, and important.
5.
Attention.
Receiving attention makes us feel valuable, builds self-esteem, and leaves us feeling loved by others.