But what is confidence? Have you ever really thought about it or is it just some pie in the sky term.
What is the actual recipe for confidence? Well, here is my formula: Confidence = Social Awareness + Asking For What You Want Let me break it down: Social awareness is simply your ability to hone in and feel what's going on emotionally with yourself and with others.
A beautiful woman will rarely settle for a guy who is less socially aware than her.
That would be like you dating a woman who was incredibly physically unattractive.
To develop social awareness, you must work on your ability to recognize how you are feeling in a moment and how a woman is feeling in that same moment.
Stop for a second and think about how you are feeling right now.
Are you feeling content, calm, anxious, frustrated, confused, etc? Think about the last time you were out and saw a beautiful woman.
Did you stop to notice how she was feeling or did you immediately start thinking about a gazillion things.
Social Awareness is not a skill that is hard to learn.
It is the opposite, it is a process of checking in with yourself and listening to your feelings rather then trying to figure out what to do next.
Women are loyal to their feelings and emotions and have the amazing and almost uncanny ability to read your mind.
As you build your awareness muscle, you will tap into that same ability and cultivate the ability to read her mind as well! Whenever you are stuck in your head strategizing, thinking, analyzing, you are away from your emotions and feelings.
Unfortunately, most dating advice out there will just put you more in your head by teaching you things to think about and techniques to learn rather then helping you increase your ability to feel and increase your level of social awareness.
Why are women attracted to social awareness? Women are biologically programmed to choose a mate who can protect them both physically and emotionally.
Sexually, we aren't that much different from animals.
They want a man who is aware enough to deal with any threats to their survival or the survival of their offspring.
And we want a woman with big boobs, an attractive face and a nice butt to give us strong and powerful children.
In most modern day cities, there is pretty much void of any physical threats because people aren't running around attacking each other.
So there is a more of an emphasis on social awareness then physical awareness but the link still exists.
Think about high school jocks.
They usually date the hottest girls because they are both physically tough and more socially aware then the guys like me who played Grand Theft Auto all day on my PS2.
For guys who are not as socially aware (if you're an engineer, mathematician, accountant, etc.
- a person who uses their left brain a lot), you will have difficulty connecting with your emotions at first.
The reason being is that you're so used to asking yourself questions during an interaction with a beautiful woman like:
- What do I say?
- What do I do now?
- What do I do about her friend?
- Why can't I be more funny?
- Does she like me? Maybe, but she looks like she's bored!
- OMG, shes so hot.
Talking to a woman in this state of mind now creates a dilemma for you.
If you are thinking and calculating what to say next, she can't feel your emotions.
And if she can't feel you, she can't trust you or feel safe or attracted to you.
And why can't she trust a man who isn't in touch with his feelings? Well, on the craziness scale, a person who isn't in touch with their feelings is a ticking time bomb.
You can't read them and they're dangerously insensitive to others.
This may not be a big deal to you, but woman have to worry about being raped, physically assaulted or injured when they go out on a date.
So how do you get back into feeling? Do you have to be some sort of wimpy sensitive new age guy? It's not about being new age or sensitive, it's about being honest.
Here are the five steps to develop social awareness.
Write them down.
1.
Feel your emotions 2.
Communicate your emotions to others 3.
Look for signs that clue you in to other's emotions.
4.
Acknowledge how other people feel.
5.
Honesty is the key The other part of the equation is called Asking For What You Want.
When we were little kids, we always asked for exactly what we wanted.
Over the years, we stopped asking because we were afraid to hear the word no.
Once we are scared to hear no, we start avoiding conflict and confrontation.
The second piece of confidence is the ability to deal with tense situations that arise from asking for what you want.
You can call that your ability to deal with tension.
Imagine, if you knew exactly how to deal with confrontational and scary situations, there would no fear of asking for what you want.
I'm now going to teach you exactly how to use this equation: Confidence = Social Awareness + Asking For What You Want to bust past approach anxiety.
Anxiety is created when you believe that your skills are not sufficient to accomplishing the task at hand.
Let's use the example of getting a woman's number.
If you approach a woman with the intent to get her number but you feel your skills are not nearly sharp enough to succeed, you will feel A TON of anxiety.
Imagine trying to build a house and all you have is a set of tools, a picture of the finished product and the raw materials.
Without a blueprint, you're going to have a hell of a time! The trick to busting past approach anxiety is to take baby steps and make sure your skill level is high enough to accomplish the task's level of difficulty.
Women are not stupid, they know when you are hitting on them.
Most guys make the mistake of trying to hide their intentions because they are afraid of being rejected.
Confident men ask for what they want, wimps beat around the bush.
So don't try to hide the fact that you are attracted to her and interested in getting to know her better.
For most guys, the thought of walking up to a woman and telling her exactly how you feel and what you want from her is very scary.
So the trick is to start with something much more manageable that eases the anxiety for you and makes you both feel comfortable.
Most guys make the mistake of trying to come up with something really clever or witty.
Before they know it, the woman has already walked away or some other guy is already hitting on her.
The other mistake most guys make is to say the first thing that comes to mind which is usually a lame and obvious comment.
Examples are "You guys out drinking tonight? Lots of people here huh? You come here often?" You've gotta stand out from the pack and make yourself memorable.
Here's how to do that.
Let's go back to the formula: Confidence = Social Awareness + Asking For What You Want When you approach a woman, follow the formula.
Remember, women can read your emotions so if you walk up and try to fake confidence, you are demonstrating a lack of social awareness.
Let your anxiety, nervousness and fear be your friend rather then something to avoid.
To approach a woman, all you have to do is state your emotions and tell her what you want.
The first step is notice your anxiety.
What is the worst case scenario? What are you afraid of? What are the reasons NOT to approach her? The next step is to ask yourself what you want.
If you are too scared to tell her what that exactly is, start with something easier.
Example: I used to always feel like a sleazeball when approaching women in a public place during the day, the worst case scenario was that she rejected me, and the other people around us overheard and laughed at me.
So rather then approaching and just hoping that didn't happen, I found a make sure it didn't.
So I walked right up to her and said something like this: "Excuse me, so I'm standing right over there thinking to myself - I really want to go flirt with that girl in line but I don't want all these other people to think I'm an idiot or laugh me, but you are too freakin cute so...
I'm doing it anyway.
" Noticed how I followed the formula: Confidence = Social Awareness + Asking for What You Want I stated how I felt: "don't want all these other people to think I'm an idiot or laugh at me.
" Asked for what I want: "I'm doing it anyway.
" This worked like magic for me because when I acknowledged my feelings about looking like an idiot, they disappeared and I felt much more comfortable.
Because I felt comfortable and relaxed, she felt the same way and we could continue the interaction without the typical anxiety and awkwardness that most guys create when they approach a woman.
She also gets a genuine compliment and a good laugh.
It wasn't because what I said was clever or funny.
The humor was created because I had the courage to tell the truth and most people are too scared to do that.
Try this out for yourself, don't copy my line because it won't work for you unless you feel the exact same way I do and want the same thing I want.
Just follow the formula, say what's on your mind and ask for what you want.
Leave a comment below about how this applies to your confidence and situation with women and please ask any questions if anything is unclear to you.