"They're talking about impeaching Eliot Spitzer if he doesn't step down. And I'm thinking, 'Whoa, a Democrat being impeached for extramarital sex. Happy days are here again.'" --David Letterman

"Here's one that is kind of cute. He would get the hookers, the call girls, the prostitutes, the whores, and he would run them down, put them on the train, Amtrak. Like they need more publicity. And he'd run them down to Washington, DC, and they'd check into a beautiful suite and have the rendezvous at a place called the Mayflower Hotel.

Now that's the difference between a Democratic and a Republican sex scandal. The Republicans have their rendezvous at an airport men's room" --David Letterman

"They're talking about impeaching Eliot Spitzer if he doesn't step down. And I'm thinking, 'Whoa, a Democrat being impeached for extramarital sex. Happy days are here again.'" --David Letterman

"Here's one that is kind of cute. He would get the hookers, the call girls, the prostitutes, the whores, and he would run them down, put them on the train, Amtrak. Like they need more publicity. And he'd run them down to Washington, DC, and they'd check into a beautiful suite and have the rendezvous at a place called the Mayflower Hotel. Now that's the difference between a Democratic and a Republican sex scandal. The Republicans have their rendezvous at an airport men's room" --David Letterman

"It's getting serious, though. Republicans in New York have given Governor Spitzer an ultimatum. That if he doesn't resign, they'll push for impeachment.

Governor Spitzer responded by saying, 'How about you just spank me, we'll call it even?'" --Conan O'Brien

"The big, the new scandal breaking here in New York, Eliot Spitzer apparently involved in some kind of prostitution activities -- you know what that means?: Hookers. And right now, Spitzer is huddling with his advisers to develop a drinking problem." --David Letterman

"Here's what happened, it was one of those sting deals. And they caught Eliot Spitzer, Gov. Spitzer, with a wire, recording him soliciting a prostitute. And I'm thinking, 'Holy cow, we can't get Bin Laden, but we got Spitzer. We got Sptizer.'" --David Letterman

"The thinking is the governor may step down now to spend less time with his family. The good thing is, he was caught soliciting a hooker, but on the bright side, it did not involve an airport men's room." --David Letterman

"The New York Times says that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is linked to a prostitution ring. ... Gov. Spitzer, this is the latest, responded, just a few hours ago. He said, quote, 'I violated my obligations to my family and I violated my sense of what is right and wrong.' ... Spitzer also admitted violating someone named Amber." --Conan O'Brien

"Client #9 deposited $4,300 into his account and then had a two-hour interlude with a prostitute name 'Kristen.' Which I think means he has two thousand dollars of credit left over. That'll come in handy -- with all the stress, he's gonna need to blow off some steam." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Spitzer held a brief press conference yesterday, where he apologized to his constituents and to his family. He didn't take any questions but retreated to the privacy of his home, where his wife repeatedly kicked him in the testicles." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Actually, she stood right next to him in the press conference. That is always amazing to me, how these guys get their wives to stand there and support them. ... I don't know what kind of zombie chow they put in these women's food, but it's mind-boggling. ... I don't want to rub it in to any of you visiting from New York, but here in California, our governor doesn't have to pay for sex. When he wants it, he takes it." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Eliot Spitzer admitted publicly that he was involved in a prostitution ring, which means Hillary Clinton, now, only the second angriest wife in the state of New York." --Jay Leno "This is the guy who vowed to clean up New York. But to be fair, he did bring prostitution to its knees one girl at a time." --Jay Leno

"So you gotta be fair. It's not good, some of these girls charged the governor up to $5,000 an hour. And when he heard that, today Sen. Larry Craig said, 'I would've done the guy for free -- This is more government waste. We can take care of these problems internally.'" --Jay Leno

"According to the FBI wiretap, they had the transcript, Gov. Spitzer was listed as Client No.9. No. 9? He's the governor, who were the eight guys in front of him? You'd think as governor, you'd at least get to go first." --Jay Leno

"Here's some great news, today they found the source of all global warming in America -- New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer's pants." --Jay Leno

"The feds caught the governor when they became suspicious of some irregular money wire transfers that the governor had made. And then they tapped his phones and monitored his text messages. Basically they thought this was a bribery case and it wasn't. If only someone experienced in law enforcement could have given Eliot Spitzer better advice [on screen: Spitzer saying, 'Never talk when you can nod, never nod when you can wink and never write it in e-mail because it's death. You're giving prosecutors all the evidence we need']. In Spitzer's defense, he probably forgot he said that because it's hard to concentrate when you are getting a $2,000 [bleep]job." --Jon Stewart

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman