Everybody has disagreements.
Wedding and marriage planning are huge opportunities for couples to stumble over themselves and each other.
Let's see, Money, Families, Childhood Dreams, and Different Personalities.
Yep, prime fighting conditions.
Fighting is not a horrible thing.
We need to air our differences and express our hurt feelings.
This is why the notion of becoming one in marriage is so dangerous.
People who live together are different and have differences.
Good marriages are built by people who can fight things out effectively.
So what makes a good fight and contributes to the health of your relationship? What might actually move you forward?

1. Fight over things that matter.
   If you're just getting on one another's last nerves because you're over extended, then give it up, and take some time away.
   We are who we are.
   
2. Bring it up early.
   When something is bothering you, bring it up.
   Do not stew over the unfairness of something.
   Nothing can be resolved until you speak up.
   
3. Stay on Topic.
   When you're fighting about something fight about that thing.
   Don't fight about everything else.
   You actually have a chance to resolve an issue if there's only one issue on the table.
   
4. Don't Escalate.
   Keep your voices down.
   When you feel yourself start to shout, stop, take a deep breath, consider what you want to say, and try again.
   And actually, you're responsible for your own feelings.
   If a partner yells, step back, point it out, bring it down.
   My guess is that whatever your fighting about isn't worth this.
   
5. Admit Shortcomings.
   If you're not dealing well with a certain situation, or aren't able to hear, admit it.
   This is your beloved, not a torture squad.
   Beloved, remember, you're not a torture squad.
   
6. Stay in Your Feelings.
   Don't shut down.
   Don't blow up.
   Stay attuned to what's happening in the midst of this.
   If you can't get to your feelings, get to a counselor.
   
7. Apologize When You're Wrong.
   If you're off base, apologize.
   And mean it.
   Be sincere.
   "I'm sorry," isn't an exit strategy it's an actual feeling.
   
8. Accept the Apology.
   If your beloved has made a sincere apology, and you're finished, accept it.
   If you need some time to cool down before you do that, ask for it and then take it.
   
9. Be Willing to Let Go.
   If you actually managed to resolve some things, let it go.
   If it comes up again, point it out, and then let it go.
   
10. Reinforce the Lessons.
    If you do something right, do it again.
    Quickly.
    Celebrate that you fixed a problem.
    
11. Make Up Like Crazy.
    This is the part no one needs help with, except to be reminded that it's important.
    Do it.
    Make up.
    Create a make-up ritual.
    Take the time to celebrate the things that make you great as individuals and great as a couple.
    
12. Call in Reinforcements.
    If you can't fix something, get help.
    When your car breaks, you fix it.
    You've got a heckuva lot more invested in your marriage.
    Find a counselor.
    Get good at this.
    Your relationship deserves it!

Here's the drill: Fight fair and apologize easily.
No low blows.
This is important enough you might want to talk about it in your wedding ceremony and promise about it in your wedding vows.
Your bonus? You not only get to kiss and make up, you're going to grow a marriage that can weather obstacles and differences.
How great is that?