Updated December 31, 2014.
Author's note: This is part of a series on the post-caregiving phase of life, especially after the loss of a spouse or other loved one. If you have any ideas or suggestions for additional content you'd like to see here, please email caregiving@aboutguide.com and we will see what we can help you with!
If you've recently lost a spouse or partner after caregiving you may be feeling the lack of many things: your spouse/partner first and foremost, the household help, the support, the love, and perhaps even the back-up with disciplining the kids.
But one thing many widows report that they are surprised that they miss is regular physical touch. If you're from a very huggy family or have a friends group that is more physically affectionate, you might not feel this loss as acutely. But for some widows, most of their touch was in the form of snuggling or even just sleeping with their spouse. Here are some ideas for meeting those needs:
Access Body Work
Body work such as massage, acupressure or acupuncture, foot rubs and even manicures or pedicures or Reiki all involve pretty substantial touch and physical interaction with another human being without the usual need for actual relationship or even in some cases communication. Don't feel like you need to be a supermodel to access a massage at a salon; massage therapist are accustomed to performing massage on many different types of bodies; some massage therapists even specialize in size-positive massage.
Ask A Friend
Do you have a platonic friend with whom you can sit closely on the couch, perhaps even be a little snuggly?
If it feels a little weird to ask, maybe you could do it via text message or email?
FInd A Cuddle Party
I swear I am not making this up. Cuddle Parties actually exist and they are actually nearly a decade old. From the official (yup, official) Cuddle Party website:
Cuddle Party is a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection. You can come to a Cuddle Party to meet new people, to enjoy amazing conversations, to touch, to be touched, to have fun, to practice asking for what you want, to practice saying “no” to what you don’t want — all in a setting structured to be a safe place for exploration and enjoyment. You can even come to a Cuddle Party just to cuddle!
Sound intriguing? Every Cuddle Party also includes a mini workshop on communication that participants say is very empowering and applicable to their non Cuddle party lives. You can read their list of rules and look for a Party near you on their website.
FInd A Cuddle Cafe
Nope, that's not a euphemism, it's a real thing. These are for-profit enterprises dedicated to fine art of cuddling. Though there isn't the workshop experience of the Cuddle Party, a cuddle cafe might meet your needs if you prefer a more transactional experience. The best known one is in Portland, Oregon, but others seem to be popping up around the country, new ones every day.
Snuggle A Pet
You don't have to own a pet to snuggle one! Ask a friend if you can dog sit, or cat sit or any kind of snuggly pet sit. You can also volunteer to hold puppies or kittens or socialize older animals at a local shelter, although you should probably pick a no-kill shelter or you may end up with a houseful of your own adopted snugglers!