Trustworthiness is sometimes misunderstood as a personal value.
The majority of people believe themselves to be trustworthy, yet, their behavior does not match their belief.
Generally people believe trustworthiness is keeping your word, taking care of your belongings and returning that which you borrow from others.
However, trustworthiness embodies much more.
The definition of trustworthy includes the personal characteristics of: oCapable of being depended upon: dependable, reliable, responsible, solid.
oWorthy of belief, as because of precision or faithfulness to an original: authentic, authoritative, convincing, credible, faithful, true, valid behavioral pattern.
A trustworthy person: oArrives on time oDoes what he/she agreed to do oKnows his/her limits and avoids promising more than she/he can deliver oIs consistent--based on past experiences one can trust what she/he will do next How does one become a trustworthy person?Trustworthiness is a learned characteristic.
Children learn trustworthiness by what they experience.
Therefore, parents need to keep their word.
If they tell a child they will take him/her to the store in 'a little while.
' The parent needs to then take the child to the store.
Whatever you tell a child you need to do it, even when it is something the child would not want you to do.
For example:If you tell your child you are going to send him/her to bed early if he/she hits his/her brother, you need to send your child to bed early in order to demonstrate to your child you are trustworthy.
Furthermore, when you follow through on your statements, you are telling your child, I say what I mean and I mean what I say.
This gives your child a sense of security and trust that all will be in right order, even the things they do not wish to have--i.
e.
going to bed early.
Some parents mistakenly think their children will be happier if they do not actually use the consequences for unacceptable behavior.
So they only use the statement of 'going to bed early only as a scare tactic.
'After only one instance of not following through on this statement, your child already knows you 'do not mean what you say' and they will push the limit the next time.
Children who are threatened with consequences, but never receive it learn that their parents are not trustworthy.
Children, who, are threatened will later accuse the parent of being a 'liar,' and they are right.
Parents need to avoid making threats or empty promises.
To say that someone is untrustworthy is not necessarily a negative moral judgment.
Although, we know criminals are untrustworthy, not every untrustworthy person is a criminal.
Many untrustworthy people are loving and well-meaning.
The issue which prompts good, honest people to be untrustworthy is fear.
Fear of not being liked.
They want to be liked, therefore, they make promises they can not keep or do not intend to keep.
For example: parents are afraid if they are strict with their children, their children will not love them and the children will not grow up happy.
The truth is children who grow up with untrustworthy, unpredictable parents are unhappy and they do not respect their parents.
See my article:If You Love Me--Set Me A Limithttp://ezinearticles.
com/?If-You-Love-Me-Set-Me-a-Limit&id=112548 If you say, "You are grounded for a week," and then three days later, you allow your child to go outside to play, she/he learns that you do not mean what you say.
She/he learns to disbelieve you.
If this occurs over and over, she/he eventually learns that she/he does not need to listen to anything you say, because you do not mean it.
This scenario is setting up a behavior pattern where you will eventually have a very important message you need to give your child and because she/he has learned, you do not mean what you say, she/he will disregard you completely.
Thus, when the issues are as significant as 'drugs and alcohol are bad for you,''No sex until you are eighteen, when can take legal and financial responsibility for the outcome,' your credibility is worthless.
Parents who behave as a friend to their children are doing themselves and their children a great disservice.
Your children need you to set boundaries and be trustworthy so they can learn to set boundaries and to be trustworthy.
If you fail to set boundaries and are untrustworthy your children will repeatedly lie to you.
Furthermore, by making promises you can not or do not intend to keep you are in effect lying and you are teaching your child to lie too.