Updated December 19, 2014.

Many fertility challenged people feel stressed or depressed when pregnancy announcements are posted on Facebook. If you find yourself suddenly bombarded by status messages that say something like, "I'm 10 weeks and craving Peanut Butter Cups," you should know: your Facebook friends haven't all suddenly become pregnant.

There's a Facebook meme going around, apparently for breast cancer awareness (or so the meme instructions say.) A few years ago, there was the meme where everyone posted the color of their bras.

Another popular meme involved women posting things like, "I like it on the kitchen counter," referring to where they like to keep their purse.

This year, the meme is to post "I'm _____ weeks and craving _____." You can get the formula for the meme here, posted on PCMag.com.

Not that you'd want the formula. I really can't imagine any woman who either is currently dealing with infertility or has dealt with infertility participating in this new meme. Nor can I imagine any breast cancer survivor wanting to play along - especially those who have lost their fertility due to cancer or cancer treatments.

Is Joking That You're Pregnant Ever Funny?

I asked my husband what he'd have thought, if I had been crazy enough to participate in this new meme, implying I was expecting and then said "just kidding."

He made clear he would have been very hurt. As would all my family and friends, thinking they should be thrilled for me, when in fact, it was just a "joke."

I can see how the bra color meme sort of, kind of, related to breast cancer (not really, but bras = breasts, sort of close.) I didn't understand how the purse one related to breast cancer, but at least the status messages were funny.

But this meme - where essentially you give the impression that you're pregnant, when you're not - isn't funny. Not at all.

Given that breast cancer survivors often become infertile, I can't imagine that the creator of this meme thought things through.

I'm hoping this meme will die out sooner than the others.

I'm hoping that whoever comes up with these things comes up with something else, something less painful to those experiencing infertility, and especially less painful to cancer survivors who lost their fertility.

If you're feeling peer pressure to play along, or just want to respond in some way, may I suggest posting something along the lines of, "I'm NOT 10 weeks and NOT craving Peanut Butter Cups. I wish I was. And I'm sure there are many breast cancer survivors who lost their fertility wishing the same thing."

Feel free to link to this article, if you want others to understand why you're not playing along with the meme as written.

Comments From Readers

Here's what some readers had to say about this meme:

Dee writes:

I fell for this and I congratulated my friend, I was extremely embarrassed afterwards when I found out I had been duped. I felt really bad. Especially because I only saw the first half where she announced her “pregnancy,” had I clicked the “more” button I would have been able to stop myself from looking like a fool. I am not a fan of this trend, that’s for sure.

Annabel writes:

I will NEVER participate in these games! The games do absolutely nothing for breast cancer, either awareness or actual patients. If someone would actually like to help, then be a volunteer driver, push the cookie cart at the nearest cancer center, or find some other volunteer position that is helpful. Not these idiotic games! Breast cancer is NOT a game!

Ohev writes:

I participated in this. It wasn’t the most well-thought-out breast cancer awareness chain, so I didn’t do it on my infertility group, but some people *are* overly sensitive. I can understand why some infertile people did choose to opt out of it. On the other hand, the one person who did get angry with me was someone who was too young to really have children anyway, and I’ve experienced actual miscarriages. Also, having a healthy female fertility is correlated with breast cancer due to the hormones involved, so many women who have breast cancer have had children already.

That little chain was kind of fun. It didn’t bother me nearly as much as some people complaining about their pregnancies on FB bother me.

Jennifer writes:

I learned this the hard way. I’ve been getting calls and e-mails all week congratulating me. It is so annoying.

A. Grant writes:

For many breast cancer “survivors,” the problem with ALL of these games is that it reduces our lives to a fun little joke on Facebook. My friends are dying and others are posting games about breast cancer.

And then when someone posts a game, and we say something about it, it generally starts a fight and ends with a bunch of people who don’t have cancer telling the “survivor” to get over it. As if we can just walk away from cancer. You see, those playing the games can walk away, but we cannot. It is something we live with.

Many of us have blogged about it. What we need is ACTION. Not your shoe size. So instead of posting something on Facebook because it’s easy, do something a little more difficult and actually DO something about cancer. See your doctor for a physical, get your mammogram, donate a few dollars to an actual charity that is helping people with cancer, cook a meal for someone in chemo, etc. That is real awareness.

More about infertility and breast cancer:

• Egg Freezing
• Becoming a Parent through Surrogacy
• How Does Chemotherapy Affect Fertility?
• Breast Cancer and Your Fertility
• Male Breast Cancer

More on coping with infertility:

• How to Cope When Trying to Conceive Overwhelms You
• Quiz: Are You Depressed?
• 10 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
• How TTC Affects Your Sex Life
• How to Cope During the Two Week Wait
• Making a Pregnancy Announcement after Infertility
  
• Coping with Pregnancy Jealousy
  

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