Updated June 09, 2015.
Long before August 5, 2006, I had been thinking how much I hated smoking, not quitting smoking, just hating it. After all, I had smoked for 37 years. Cigarettes were a part of who I was, how I functioned, and ingrained into my fiber. There were many reasons I hated smoking; health, lack of freedom, increasing inconvience, embarrassment, and oh my, those dreaded lines around my mouth! But quit smoking?
It was way too big and I was way too small.
However, on this particular day, I went to the hospital to visit my dear friend, the kind of friend we should all be fortunate enough to have. A few weeks back he had fainted in the Cracker Barrel (a restaurant). As only could happen to Fisk, while he was being admitted to the hospital, they brought another man in who had also fainted in another Cracker Barrel...the food really is good! They put a heart monitor on Fisk and good news, no heart trouble, but what had caused the fainting? He said he never felt better; heck we prided ourselves on being part of a foursome who could play 18 holes of golf in 2 hours and 45 minutes!
The medical tests continued and they found the culprit, lung cancer. How could this be, he had quit smoking over ten years ago! But it was to be, and he faced it with courage and a positive attitude. There was surgery and one-third of his lung was removed. The doctors said he would be able to breathe on his own after a while.
As I left the hospital that sweltering hot, muggy, August afternoon, I was feeling very optimistic for Fisk and at the same time I was dying for a cigarette. After all I had been in a no smoke zone for about an hour! I jumped in my furnace of a car, rolled down the window and lit up. I was careful to keep the cig below the window and turn my head when I blew the smoke out of my mouth, because, how embarrassing to smoke at a hospital! As I took another drag, I looked up to the tower where Fisk's room was. That moment I felt lower than pond scum. He was fighting for his life and I was handing mine over for a lousy smoke.
12:01 a.m... I smoked my last cigarette. I threw it on the ground, stomped in into the ivy and said,
- "That is the last cigarette I am ever going to smoke."
About three weeks later I found this forum and this wonderful forumily, and with the help of everyone here I have remained smokefree for six months. I have written in the past about the amazing benefits and feelings I've discovered since quitting, many I didn't know I'd lost until they came back to me. Today, I will just say, the past six months have probably been the hardest, but the most rewarding of my life. I feel like a puzzle, where parts were missing and every day a piece gets put back in its place. In just a few short months I've been able to see what this puzzle is supposed to look like and I love it!
I would like to dedicate this milestone to my friend Fisk. I attended his funeral on September 5, 2006, my one month smoke free milestone. He had complications from surgery and is now in heaven.
Thanks to each and every one of you for you help, encouragement and friendship. I have a saying on my bulletin board:
Be in the neighborhood of good things happening!
That is exactly where I am.Jane
Jane's One Year Milestone