If you have an exboyfriend to get back, there might already be several tricks you've tried to get him to come back to you. There's begging, pleading, promising to change yourself, even breaking up that new relationship he started with that new girlfriend. The thing is, your problem runs much deeper. What you need to understand now and always is how you and what you do appears to him. It's going to be hard to get him back when you're scheming and behaving childishly. He'll be thinking that your relationship role models are Machiavelli and the Borgias.

Think of the way you've been behaving since your breakup and if any of your actions match this description, stop them right now. The reason I'm saying this is simply because they're not working. I know this for two reasons. One is that if they were you'd have him back right now and, two, you wouldn't be reading this if it was working, would you? I'm not being condescending here, I'm just explaining it the way I see it. Next, if you've been following him around and showing up wherever he is, either being out with his friends or on a date. Stop it right now. You're a stalker, is what he'll be thinking. Honestly, in his mind he'll be viewing you more as a stalker than he'll see you as somebody who loves him. And a judge will probably agree with him. If these are some of the things you're doing to get your exboyfriend back, what you are actually doing is giving him a list of convincing reasons that breaking up with you was way better than staying with you would be for his long term future.

So the next time the two of you end up in the same place, make sure it's accidentally. And whether it's a club or a restaurant, and you've just walked in and seen he's there, acknowledge him. But, instead of throwing yourself at him and demanding his attention as you may have done in the past, just say hello and do what you're there to do in another part of the room. Or, politely and calmly, explain that you'll leave and go somewhere else in order for him to be more comfortable. Try to do it sincerely and empathetically too. Then simply leave. If nothing else the change in your behaviour will make him think.

A campaign of doing the unexpected is important when you have an exboyfriend to get back (or when you want success in anything). But this is especially true when what you've been doing hasn't been working. If you've been calling him regularly and repeatedly, even if it's only once a day, stop it right now. You should only call him when you really need to talk to him about something. If you don't have a good reason to talk to him don't call him. If you're only calling him to expound further reasons or rehash old ones about why he should take you back, don't call. In a week or two, give him a quick call. Just tell him you're calling to say hello and that you were thinking of him just to see how he is. Keep it simple and basic. Ask him how his day was, how work is, simple and safe questions like that.

If he starts being suspicious about why you've really called him, if he accuses you of being nice as a prelude to going back to all the bad behaviour, assure him honestly and calmly that you called him because, yes, you do miss him, but, no, you only wanted to touch base and see how he is. Then you need to say goodbye and end the call on a good note. When you have an exboyfriend to get back you want him wondering at the end of the conversation. You want him wondering why you didn't do your usual begging or pleading. You want him wondering what the hell is going on.

On the other hand, if the thought of making that sort of phone call to him makes you uncomfortable and you doubt your ability to pull it off, mail him a card (or even an email) just to let him know you're thinking of him and hoping he's doing okay. It's important not to be in his life every day at the moment so he can learn to miss you. It also gives him a chance to make a move. When you have a boyfriend to get back, you can't smother him with attention or affection, or stalk him because it'll drive him away. What you need to do instead is to let him come to you. Good luck.