- 1). Watch your body language, vocal tone and facial expressions when you communicate. Don't roll your eyes or cross your arms while listening to your spouse or partner talk. If you are feeling loving, touch your spouse or hug her. If you are frustrated, be cautious but remain open to communication.
- 2). Understand that everything that you say may not be understood or received in the way you intend it. Realize you may not be able to change your spouse's view on a particular subject. Work to express your views by avoiding vague words such as "maybe" or "perhaps." Realize there will be times when you will have to agree to disagree or decide to come back and talk about the issue at a later date.
- 3). Practice being a reflective listener. When your spouse says something, repeat back the main points by saying, "what I heard you say was..." This goes a long way in showing your spouse that you are listening to her. It will also avoid major misunderstandings as you will know quickly if you have the right information.
- 4). Listen to what is being said. Whether you are having an argument or just a conversation, listen without thinking of a response or a solution to a perceived problem.
- 5). Allow your spouse to finish what she has to say as interrupting will have an adverse effect on escalating tensions because she will feel like she is not being heard.
- 6). Avoid using terms such as "You made me" or "You did it." Accusing your spouse of anything — no matter how great or small — is a sure way to a communication breakdown. Focus on how you feel rather than attributing that feeling as her fault.
- 7). Talk over one issue at a time. Start the discussion but be conscious of when things begin to shift to another subject. Stop yourself and tell her that you want to hear her view on the issue or ask, " Are we clear on this before we move on?"
- 8). Share your feelings. Reveal some of your most intimate thoughts. This will show your spouse that you trust her. Don't be afraid to express your feelings when something is said or done that triggers you emotionally. Explaining where you are emotionally can help your spouse feel safe to help you through difficult times.
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