In the world of acting playing a good supporting role can win you fame and fortune and a host of little statues.
You can wear no end of beautiful evening gowns and donated diamonds (not conflict please) and cry in your thank-you speeches to your hearts content.
And if you're lucky people will sigh and say that you looked lovely in the yellow with your hair curled and pulled to the right and that your speech had them reaching for the tissues.
If you're unlucky you'll make the worst dressed list and whenever they mention the most unforgettable speeches you will always be there for all the wrong reasons.
In the real world i.
e.
the one that you and I inhabit, there are no awards for being supportive and caring and loving towards your family and friends.
Being supportive and loving and caring is, supposedly, its own reward.
Whatever, bring on the donated diamonds and 10 grand evening gowns that's what I say.
There is nothing more important or more difficult than supporting those who have a chronic illness and cancer is one of the most chronic illnesses you can get.
If you are going to take on a supportive role for a cancer sufferer make sure that you are prepared to stick around for the long haul and that you have the inner strength and reserves to pull yourself and the patient through some very difficult times.
Supporting a cancer patient is not something that you pick up and drop as and when you feel like it.
When a cancer patient is first diagnosed with cancer it is usually the first time that that person is confronted with his or her mortality.
It is a very frightening prospect to consider and it is quite natural for their minds to be a tad preoccupied with death for a while after that.
It's the supporter's job to try and get them to concentrate on living again, which is so easy is theory and so much less so in practice when your own mind keeps wandering to the dark side.
The patient will go through several stages (they're the 7 stages of bereavement but we'll only mention a few here) like guilt: Why me? Am I being punished for something I did? My family is going to suffer because of me.
Anger: Why now, just when things were starting to look up? My last child has just left the house.
My first child has just been born.
Fear: death, pain, of being a financial burden etc etc.
Isolation: No one understands what I am going through? They pay lip service but no one really cares.
Denial: They made a mistake with the tests.
I feel too good to be that sick.
It is important to recognise that the supporter will go through similar stages and have reactions comparable to those of the cancer patient.
An important task for the supporter to carry out is to convince the patient to fight.
This usually entails more than the patient thinks of at first.
It involves a complete change of lifestyle and will require them to get out of and maybe entirely give up their comfort zones.
It is important that they take action and remain active in their own recovery process.
That is why it is also important that you do not do everything for them no matter how sorry you feel for them.
It is important that they maintain control over their lives.
Encourage them to take care of themselves.
Comment on any progress that they make.
Spend time on activities that are not related to cancer.
Spend time with them even as they start to recover and get well.
Treat them as if you expect them to live.
It is vitally important that you give them hope.
Giving hope is almost as good as giving the gift of life.
Without hope they might as well be dead anyway.
One of the best weapons that you can have in the war against cancer is knowledge so arm yourself well.
There are plenty of websites on the net for you to download and make use of and there are no end of books available at libraries and bookshops.
Try and help the patient to acquire knowledge without dishing it out.
It helps if the patient shows an interest in getting the knowledge him or herself.
Something else that you are going to have to watch out for in all cancer patients is depression.
It will occur to a greater or lesser degree in anyone battling a chronic disease and facing his or her own mortality.
Try to minimise it by suggesting that you try pleasant events or new recreational activities.
Physical activities are important to lift moods and keep the body as healthy as possible.
Make them feel important by including them in decision-making.
Plan for the future even if they are short-term future plans.
Have fun and learn to play.
Here are a few cancer truisms for you to remember: 1) Cancer is curable 2) There is no type of cancer for which there are no treatments 3) There is no type of cancer for which someone has not been cured! And on that note, there is hope for us all.