"My favorite candidate, Ralph Nader, announced he's running for president! Oh, I love Ralph. You know, you can't get rid of him. Every election year he pops up. He's like the herpes of presidential candidates." --Jay Leno

"No, Nader says his reason for running is that he spent over 40 years as a consumer advocate. I think after 40 years of studying consumers' wants and needs, he'd realize consumers don't want or need him now" --Jay Leno

"How about that Ralph Nader, ladies and gentlemen.


He looks like the night manager of a creepy motel, doesn't he? ... He looks like a guy whose compound would be raided by ATF agents." --David Letterman

"But getting back to Ralph Nader. This guy looks like a guy out of UFO documentary. ... He looks like a guy at a gas station who gives you bad directions." --David Letterman

"Nader says he's running for president again because the Democrats did not stop President Bush on the war in Iraq and on the tax cuts. Stop him? If Nader hadn't run, there wouldn't have been a President Bush." --Jay Leno

"Have you seen Ralph Nader? He looks like a guy that says we have proof we never went to the moon. Ralph looks like a shady horse track doctor." --David Letterman

"Ralph Nader, doesn't he look like the cranky guy at a hearing on the new traffic light? He looks like the guy who can't find his table after he goes to the salad bar." --David Letterman

"Ralph Nader announced he is running for president again. His announcement has filled millions of people with excitement and hope.

And these people are called Republicans." --Craig Ferguson

"Ralph Nader announced he's running for president again. Immediately after the announcement, the guy sitting next to Nader on the park bench told him to shut up." --Conan O'Brien

"I like Ralph Nader. He looks like a guy who comes into town once a year for supplies. ... He looks like a guy you would see sitting on his front porch watching for out-of-state plates. ... Ralph Nader looks like a postal worker who doesn't know whether to retire or start shooting." --David Letterman

"In political news, Ralph Nader has decided to run for president. Well, you thought Mike Huckabee didn't know when to quit, huh? There you go. In fact, Ralph Nader's campaign slogan -- 'It's me again.'" --Jay Leno

"What do you call somebody at a Ralph Nader campaign rally? Ralph Nader. That's the only one there." --Jay Leno

"He's gonna be 74 next week. In fact, the good news, if Ralph gets sick, his younger brother, Raul Nader, will then take over." --Jay Leno

"Well, you know who's thrilled that Nader is back in the race? John McCain. He's not the oldest guy anymore." --Jay Leno

"As if this field isn't crowded enough, Ralph Nader says he will decide in a month whether he'll run for president again. Ralph Nader. Hey, he's ready to go. Luckily, his suit is still unpressed from the last time" --Jay Leno

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman