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Playwright and columnist George Ade is best remembered for his lightly satirical "Fables in Slang," which originally appeared in his syndicated newspaper column and were later collected in 10 best-selling volumes. Here is how Ade described his recipe for writing: "Take one portion of Homely Truth, one portion of Story, a pinch of Satire, and a teacupful of Capital Letters, spice with Up-to-date Slang, if you can get it fresh; garnish with wood-cut Drawings and serve hot."
You'll find some of those ingredients in "Vacations," a short essay from Ade's Single Blessedness and Other Observations (Doubleday, Page & Company, 1922). Note how he mingles imperatives (a rhetorical strategy called diatyposis) with bits of proverbial wisdom.
Vacations
by George Ade
When the days are long, get ready to file off the ball and chain.
Wait until the asters are blooming and then, no matter where you are, go somewhere else. Only an oyster remains forever at the old homestead.
If the all-wise Arranger had meant for you to look out of the same window all the time, he wouldn't have given you legs.
The planet you are now visiting may be the only one you ever see. Even if you get a transfer, the next one may not have any Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls.
Move around before the ivy begins to climb up your legs.
It is true that a rolling stone gathers no moss, but it gets rid of the rough corners and takes on a lovely polish. Besides, who wants to be covered with moss?
Go on a journey every year so that you may jolt out of your brittle head-piece the notion that our home township is the steering-gear of the universe.
Some hermits are learned, but only the travelers are wise.
If you have earned a vacation, take it. The time has come to exchange your cold currency for some new sensations. You are due to accept a reward for all the years of sacrifice and denial. But you worry. If you splurge around and have a good time, maybe the children will not have all the funds they need, fifteen years hence, to keep them in red touring cars and squirrel coats.
You are afraid to make a will reading as follows:
Dear Offsprings:
Go out and get it—the same as I did.
Think of the thousands of worthy old people now penned up at home who ought to be scooting about in henrys and lake steamers and Pullman cars, rounding out the long day of toil with a late afternoon of gleeful enjoyment! It wouldn't cost them a cent. The heirs would pay all the bills.
We need in this country many Night Schools for Old People. It is time to declare for the rights and privileges of the passing generation. The world and the fullness thereof do not belong entirely to the flapper with the concealed ears and the dancing tadpole whose belt-line is just below the shoulder-blades.
Take your vacations while you can get them. Eventually you may not be able to name the spots you are going to visit next.
Further Reading
Enjoy these classic essays by Ade's literary hero, Mark Twain: